Go Home

WELCOME TO THE WORD WALL

11.3.23 Reflecting

I've been off social media for a while, my thoughts start to pile up into this massive mess of words and sounds that I can never quite put anywhere without feeling like some sort of overbearing mess... which is why I originally made this site funnily enough. So here I am, showing my face in the house i built while trying to obscure myself. Hiding away from peering eyes, which is weird to do on a website that just idly gains views as it rots away. 50k views isn't some massive number, and I dont even know how that works for a website... but it creates this odd tension coming back. Numerous people could have poured over all my hackneyed creations and webpages, all my "pointless" words and Kind of understood me in some manner of speaking. They could have really identified me. And thats odd, to come back to after years of over promising and spilling my guts. I feel like this is the only place I can really write everything I want to say, and thats still so satisfying. One of the things I was trying to build so many months ago when I said I was working on the site (I really was, i just got burnt out with 2 other major projects in the works) was a gaming blog of sorts that would let me spill my guts about video games, but recently i've also wanted to do the same thing about music, and art, and all these things. So I think I am going to shelve that idea, trim some of the fat here, and just make a nice kind of fun blog. I honestly will probably post daily or at least weekly with that in mind. I mean as I write this im listening to an album I really want to talk about (Drop Nineteens new project "19") and was just playing a game id LOVE to discuss (neon white) so im sure there will be a lot of updates, kind of just word updates tho.

I made wretch world when i was isolated, when i felt so lonely that i would spend most days crying over those I could never talk to or those who never reached out. But now, in a similar sort of "Isolation" I find a homeyness. I feel comfortable being so far away from social media, so far away from who i was nearly 3 years ago and who I was in the years following. I am such a vastly different person now and thought this website still wonderfully reflects the epitome of me I would love nothing more than to reshape it into an even more me sanctuary. It is weird looking at something so meaningful to you while seeing it from a perspective that can't quite understand it.

When i say trim the fat I do plan to get read of a myriad of things on the website, stuff that was meant to be more or things that just never quite panned out you know? It wont be gone, I am just going to make it harder to find, but I think i want to reorient this place to just be the bare essentials. Me, my thoughts, and probs a lil bit of my boyfriend lol. I am excited to come back here!!!

4.22.23 Melancholy

The best feeling in the world is the melancholy that takes you ever when you discover how beautiful everything is. the joy fills ur chest and then soon you spill out all your thoughts through heavy breath and word and all that's left is that solemn desire. You want more of it, more of that overwhelming realization. You want to go back to 5 minutes ago when the cold soft air surrounded you and all felt right. You think for just a moment if that was your inclusion in the beauty of everything. That melancholy is so sweet, it's so much more pleasurable than the first few moments. It isn’t heavy or foreboding, it asks nothing of you. It sits in your chest as you heave and it wonders if maybe it can help you.

When you’re alone and the light of a rising sun creeps through your window you realize a few things. Often falling to the negative, contemplating your present state. But on the off chance you’re caught in a good mood and everything plays together a alluring melody that light that creeps through breaks you. Crying at the thought of how perfect it all is, wondering not why you’re here again but instead contemplating how lucky the light caught your eye on this specific morning.

I love the melancholy realization that everything is gorgeous, that you will never be able to capture that feeling. Tomorrow I might feel it again, the day after, maybe I will fall back to the feelings i had months if not years ago and be overwhelmed with a sickening yearning in my gut. If nothing else I know that melancholy will be there. To tell me something good really does exist.

2.20.23 big stuff is coming

wow okay so i didn't think it had been this long since i used the site. ive been sick a lot these past few months, mix that with school and work and ive not had a ton of down time until very recently (WHEN I GOT SICK AGAIN BTW) so its not just me being lazy this time around. Also to be fair I have been working on a lot of stuff behind the scenes. As of right now I have something like 3 big additions to the site in the works. One is a replacement for the physical media blog (dw i will archive those posts) one is a redesign of the home page (non-permanent, just a fun lil project i wanted to do) and the third and final one probably being the biggest addition to this site in a long long time. Idk if i really want to tease it, only person ive told abt it is my gf and thats saying a lot cause im usually super eager to tell everyone what i got going on. Basically ill just say this, It's gonna completely change how I use this website. ;3 idk when all this stuff will be done and i dont really feel like making an empty promise so just keep ur eyes out. I will be releasing these updates simulatnously soon enough and Wretch World will be entering her 2nd year as a website (i think it already had but its dormancy makes me think it deserves a more proper welcome to year 2) thanks to everyone thats visited this site in the last year, really cool seeing something i made hit 36k views. :3

11.19.22 big week

got a job, listened to Iwrotehaikus with my girlfriend and also played the new pokemon... been a pretty killer week. This post is just an excuse to have my cute picture of my scovillain named pear as a permanent fixture in my blog lol. Love her so much :33

11.3.22 thinking

personal blogs are funny in the sense that sometimes they just serve no purpose. Kinda read over what i wrote hear these last few times and chuckled seeing how empty it was. Not like I didn't have shit going on, wasn't like i just did nothing these past few months. Sometimes you just don't care to spill all that info into the world, even on some niche website only you and your gf really frequent. I think thats mainly why i've abandoned this website these past few months. I still love it a lot, consider it one of if not my best like "completed" projects. Just don't got much to say recently. Some games i've enjoyed, media i've been into. Listened to a decent amount of music, made a lot of music recently. Just dont know how to really, make that important outside of my head. Idk if i'll ever have that feeling and desire resurface, hope I do one day cause i have a lot of lil ideas abt design and things to talk abt, just don't really want to. Maybe someday ill actually update the physical media blog add the gaming blog and update all my music info and host all my albums. Maybe ill just forget this shit exists for 2 months and then come back randomly to do a lil thinking on paper. Who knows!!! love this place tho, will always be my sanctuary of me. The wretch world.

9.11.22 heh

actually updated the site in a somewhat reasonable time. not much else to say. I think im gonna give some time this next week to writing about the physical media i've purchased as of late. I'd imagine its abt time I actually contribute to that part of my website. Otherwise I will be pouring the entirety of my existence into playing Splatoon 3. That game fucking rules... Like you can be a squid and you shoot people. I have really been enjoying turf war and salmon run but the card game they added is awesome too. Like you just get to play a semi-competent card game all within splatoon. Its kinda awesome. The story mode is great too, my girlfriend likes that part a lot, I havent really given it much time yet. Just been grinding heh... god this game is so good. If you see a bitch named EmoMall wearing some hard outfit thats me, ill probably fuck you up im p damn good at this game. Nintendo called me "the best player to ever splat" so yeah haha kinda a big deal around here. alright welp awesome see ya in 10 days...

9.1.22 Women amirite

Cool post about returning dude, cool updated website! Looking real good with all this new content!!! Yeah whatever, idk why it's so hard to actually work on this place consistently. I love it to death, so much is going on here and it's all mine. Don't really care to put much effort into it though. I got caught up in working on music and talking to my girlfriend (shes awesome btw). I think I'm actually going to attempt to update this regularly now though. I have been talking about music and art way more and continue to just write entire pieces on twitter so might as well toss that on here. Not like anyone reads em anyways lol.

Today, as in right now, as in I'm doing this as we speak and not waiting till some other future date, I am adding the art history section. For now it will just be a few essays of mine. Might not be complete today as I will have to toss in some images and idk if I wanna work on the spacing. But yk it will be a functioning page right over in the lil sidebar of the blog. you'll read this, go "wow are they joking '' and look over, youll see im in fact not lying and then lose your mind. it'll be great, you guys love me. Well cool monthly check in and empty promises fellas. Thanks for stopping by!

7.28.22 Return.00

Wow it's been quite a bit since I really did anything with this website. I had been working on a lot of stuff behind the scenes, mainly just a lot of cleanup and some page redesigns, but I kinda stopped. It's not that I have no interest in maintaining the site, it's just all so daunting. It's hours of work to make some pages look a little better. Which is cool and I did a lot of that in the first few months I had this website but now it's just so boring lol. The gallery is the main thing I was working on redesigning, it was going well and i’ll probably finish the page this week sometime but wowzers is it a fucking slog. Design seperate pages for each image, tamper with and fix the sizing of frames, fix alignment issues. BORING! It’ll look cool when it's all done but man it's such a pain rn lols.

The blogs are a different story, I have been writing stuff here and there and trying to put some stuff out like I was but it just feels less important than I originally thought. I write a few paragraphs about my thoughts on a topic and realize no one really cares. Can’t blame em but what's the point of log on into my neocities, editing the .html just for maybe one guy to give it a read. You know, even this feels like it’ll be a bit pointless to put up there but why not.

I think i'm finally going to disable my profile. I have put more thought into it, and while I do enjoy the neocities community and the couple of people I've found, it's not for me. Made this originally as a fun lil project for myself. Now its kinda just a place I dump stuff every few months. I think im content with leaving behind that concept of “community now” Welp cool recap weird return post. I think I will get around to writing a bunch of media blog posts and music posts soon too. I have a lot kinda just scattered about my journals, might as well post em. Cool, awesome… :3

5.5.22 milk

I have been obsessing over these milkcrate challenge videos as of late and im genuinely at a loss. The idea makes perfect sense to me and I understand the urge to walk on some fucking crates but what I don't get is where these guys keep getting milkcrates. I realize they're like common but who is supplying them. i've never seen a crate that's broken or like seemingly useless in the stacks which rules out getting them from like being thrown out. so where the fuck are these fellas getting 49 crates specifically to walk up and down. If I ever get my hands on this many crates im instantly doing this.

5.3.22 Hmm

"Long time no see" I say, dusting off my awfully rundown hat. I take a long drag from my $6 cigar I bought from a smoke shop next to my local pizza hut, I blow the billowing smoke directly into your confused face. "Miss me?" You in fact did not miss me, after all you don't even know who I am. You've been sitting at this park bench for all of 5 minutes before I began my confused ramblings. You wonder if you should just get up and leave, afterall I am quite intriguing, maybe staying is best. Ultimately you decide to leave as I have caused you nothing but issues in the literal moments you've known me. I ignore your exit and sit idly, waiting for the next person to arrive. I will do this for 6 more hours before a woman in a large hat and overalls calls me weird. Despite me being nothing but a public nuisance I still have feelings.

it sucks being like stretched too thin and being extremely fatigued creatively and mentally but it's also entirely my fault. I've been pushing myself in my new college and that combined with my desire to work on 5 different creative projects simultaneously has been rough. Hopefully I can finish this semester and just figure out my time better. Always shitty switching constantly between two modes, that being workaholic and lazy lol. Oh well. I still have so much to do on this site that I've kinda been neglecting so I'm hoping to do that. This place is really fun. An entire space built around the warping walls of my mind. Cool haha :33 see ya

4.9.22 wretchworld

I wonder what this website is exactly. Originally it was meant to be just a container for my music but it's changed a lot since then. Blogs, galleries, entire pseudo-archives of old site(s)... I just am unsure what this place is here for. I guess it still is just a container for me and what I do but it feels odd to have the entirety of myself as a shell someone can come look at whenever they spot it on neocities. It just feels strange to envision someone I am entirely unaware of sitting down and being able to know everything about my personality, my interests, just me basically. I have contemplated disabling my neocities profile before but idk if that solves the issue, it just deters it. At the end of the day I think I just have to accept that art and one's self is never truly all contained. Maybe my lil web of noise isn't anything out of the ordinary.

4.3.22 To Do List

A lot of other sites seem to have one so I thought it'd be fair if I listed out my plans for this lil pocket of web I have.

Redesign/Rework - Not a complete redesign or rework by any means. I like the site in its current state, quite a lot actually. I just feel there are specific elements and pieces that can be changed in a manner to better suit the aesthetic I am going for. I want to fill more pages with gifs and overzealous imagery. Get a better font perhaps, I like the current one but having spent a number of years interested in typography it's only fair to experiment. Sort the blogs, I have a lot of words and I'd like it to be easier for a user to view all of it. (Even though I don't recommend that lol) Fix up some pages, gallery for example is broken and unkept. It's just a placeholder for now. Homepage also needs a rework. I think I'm going to return to the old layout on the homepage.

Add A Chat Element - Seems like it'd be fun to have a chat room of sorts. Back in the early years of my interest in recreating the old-internet I had a forum for me and my friends and it was super fun. I hope to recapture that same feeling and just make a silly space to talk :3

Create Custom Music Players - I like the basic one and it works but it sticks out like crazy in contrast to the rest of the site. Literally no other light grey elements to be seen. This one should be easy, like a day's work TOPS...

Make More Custom Icons/Pics - I wanna add a bit more charm to the site and I think custom icons and like lil imagery would do that job well. Nothing too crazy but I wanna try and play around with the visuals to make the landing page and other areas a bit more appealing to the eye. Some of the main things I wanted to give a shot was custom banner ads and frames. I love the banner ads I have on here now so it's probs look sick to have some decent WRETCHWORLD ones yk.

Logo - As I so lovingly explained in my last post, I want a nice definitive logo.

Updated Banners - I like the starry background with the skull and text but it just feels a bit too plain for my liking. It does the job for now but I'd enjoy it if there was a more charming topper to the pages of this site. This essentially goes hand in hand with the other two to do list items but it takes more work since I also have to implement it into the site.

New Site Buttons - The current ones are fine, they work. It could be a lot better though...

Actually create the ??? page - I have had the test pages for this page forever and had directly included this in my original site plan from a few months back so idk why it's taken me so long to get to. I will get to it eventually though. Not giving away what it is tho :3c

Add an Art History Corner - It absolutely will not be groundbreaking in the slightest but I would love to have a personal archive and collection of pieces I find absolutely great, maybe write some stuff about the piece along with some informational stuff. I think it would be cool considering what I do. I have every one of my other interests on here already...

Cool, idk when nor if I will ever get all this done but I hope to work on it over the coming months. Busy with school for the next few weeks but after that I have nothing but time to burn lol. Well that's not true but it's way cooler than the truth soooo. Yeah but awesome, I think this is all super doable and will just make the site more fun in general. Thanks for reading!!

4.2.22 Creativity, or lack thereof

It is damn hard making anything, just creating is a pain in the ass. Feel like I've been dwelling in this pit of creative nothingness for months and every time I try to climb out I slip on a rock covered in some weird gaussian blurred pixel mess. It sucks, it just sucks. I've been trying to make a definitive logo for this site for some time now and since I have been a bit more active on here this week I thought hell now's the perfect time to do that. A bunch of failed attempts later and I just feel defeated. They all look either amateur or completely pointless. I wonder if a lot of this strife is simply coming from me trying to force myself to create, or if I am just in a bad mood lol. Whatever the case it isn't fun. Sit down for the evening and spend a couple hours here for nothing to really materialize. Then do it again for the rest of the week. I mean I know it's getting me closer to the eventual point of having a breakthrough but it's starting to really wear me down. I think I'm just gonna take a complete break from logos now, otherwise I might just lose it lol ;3.

this is entirely unrelated to the blogpost but I found this on gifcities and I absolutely adore it

3.30.22 OTHER WORLD

I've always really enjoyed the look and feel of early cg stuff, it just feels so out there. Other worldly ;3... Yeah well it's cool and that's the main reason I added "OTHER WORLD" to the site. It is still a wip and was created in a haste as im very sleepy (lol) but it will fill out well eventually. I hope to be able to archive a good number of pieces I enjoy there, in due time. For now its just four cool ones I could quickly find the sources for. Awesome blog post (Name-Undefined), great work. Thanks!

3.22.22 Art History

I don't think i've mentioned it much on here much, or at all. But i'm a huge art history buff, well actually I think I just count as an art historian but i'm not sure what differentiates like a buff or a historian. Its both a hobby and my career but sometimes its more a hobby than a career, or more a career than a hobby. Idk I just enjoy the history of art. I find it super cool, like the theory surrounding pieces, or the concepts, or the influences. It is just all extremely intriguing. I specifically enjoy studying architecture and design from the 19th to 20th century, I fixated hard on modernism when I first discovered it. Now it is kind of regarded as this shit pit of design but when that shit was still the "avant-garde" it was pure bliss lol. I think I wanna make a specific space to talk about art on here eventually. I mean probably when I have more free time, I kind of already write a lot about art in my non-free time so it isn't exactly something I'm trying to relax with lol. (I tend to only post on here when my brain is completely off or burnt out :3) But yk it's important to me, love me some art. Cool awesome...

Here's a building i've been particularly obsessed with lately. The Farnsworth House, it really feels like one of the "perfect" examples of modernism to me. The use of materials is extremely in line with the general tone of modernism, its literally just steel and concrete with some glass in between it lol. It's shape is absolutely perplexing though, it just feels so rigid and unreal. It looks too perfect to be man made and yet here it is. I loved the mix of modernist architecture that was happening during the postwar era. A lot of designers really began to move away from the functionalist attitude adopting the more humanist approach. They had some fun creating interesting shapes or colorful buildings. Then we get stuff like the Farnsworth house, just as grid based as it gets. I would love to visit it someday, it's amazing to look at in photos and i'd imagine even cooler in person.

3.13.22 World Wide Web

This whole internet thing is so wack, to be perceived by others I would never even cross paths with in my day to day. Not a new concept but it's still hard to grapple with. You life and die this normal life but now suddenly we have to deal with the information and blinking lights of these brain breaking machines.

It’s weird being somebody, like, I'm here , I'm alive and i'm putting words to the wall of my website. Number of people that’ll actually see it is low but there is surely a person going to read this one way or another. I don’t know them, I will never know you. And yet for a moment you give me your time and take a piece of me. It’ll probably leave your mind soon but like rn in the moment i'm in your world and you’re in mine. It’s cool, a little bit scary but cool. In a distorted entirely detached way I am having some moment with another nobody. Interesting how the internet as a whole kind of gives the normal person the experience of a celebrity or somebody of notoriety. I am sure this would have happened in the past in different ways but to think that like, just on a regular basis we now share ourselves to the world of strangers and random nobodies. Its off

I got off social media a while back for this exact reason, the only real presence I kept was my music. But now this website has begun to function like how my pages did before. It’s a lot less popular but nonetheless I am here, putting words into a nothing sphere to be gawked at. Gawked is a strong word, peered maybe? Maybe just stare idk. Just, what purpose does this place serve for me. Expression I would like to think was a learning experience too. Still is, trying to figure out new things and build this place from the “ground” “up”. But what else does it do for me. Idk… wish I did, wish I could understand the looming possibilities of something such as this place. TO put my thoughts, my expressions, my emotions and creations to a wall to be looked at by others. Wish i could see the effects of it on myself.

I don’t really like the following feature. I got away from social media shitsites cause I was bored of the whole following mechanic. Feels contrived. Still cool though, been finding a lot more really sick webospheres as of late and i'm glad I can like put a pin in em to remember em. Just, idk I wish there was a kind of freedom from that world. To enter another plane of existence in which there is no outside stimuli, just me. Blahh world works in funny ways I guess.

lil look into my world

3.10.22 The sopranos

apologies to the few that read this site for my distance... NOT!! HAHA yeah but besides all that i've been doing alright these past few weeks. Finally have a break from writing pages and pages on old buildings and paintings and can finally come back to the world i love the most. THe fake one I created in html, lol. This place just feels nice, there's a specific freedom to the online world. Yeah it can come back to haunt you but that's if people care, me? no one seems to give a shit what i'm up to. So i just toil in my endless bubble making shit and writing nonsense until I grow bored and move to some new activity. It's great, let's me air out my grievances through personal expression. Realize that blurb comes off a little mopey but it's true, there is a magical feeling when ur a nobody on the information highway. I feel like I'm creating cave paintings, they'll study the art and not the artist. Its beautiful. Besides all that though, I've been up to a lot lately. Been working on more visual arts and music, feel like i've gone back to my roots in a way. Been watching the sopranos lately, great show. Feel like everyone has said everything there is to say about it but it's really just a fantastic piece of media. I feel like I see myself in Christopher, a lot of similarities. Obviously there's a lot loss drama and pressure in my actions but you know there is still a clear line between me and him. Oh yeah and before I go I plan on updating a lil bit of this site today or tomorrow. Thinking I might add an about page or smthing, also wanna fix up the music pages. I wanna make em function like full on players so you can listen to all my stuff in one place. Kind of grown tired of the bandcamps and the soundclouds, making me. Cool... :3

2.26.22 I'm bad at doing stuff

im like really bad at just consistently doing stuff lol. like once I finished the general layout and stuff with this site I just kinda stopped working on it. There is a bunch of unfinished parts that would take like maybe an hour or two to completely fix but meh can't do it. I've also been pretty busy with music lately, finally got back into a good pattern and have been plugging away at this sick new album. I hope to get into a kinda cool pattern of sharing and talking about stuff on here tho cause I do kinda really enjoy the whole personal website thing. Don't really got anywhere else to type out long strings of words so its fun :3... I hope to do more stuff akin to the Leather Diamond article, there is a bunch of stuff I just kinda want to talk about and I enjoy framing it like its important lol. Whatever just glad there is like an outlet for all my stuff now!!!

2.17.22 I hate Ebay

I freaking hate ebay. I was happily bidding on this md player, was already about to pay a pretty high price for it ($95) when all of a sudden some asshole comes and bids me up by nearly $40. I really dont get why, there was one of identical condition availble for the same price on a buy it now listing but no this fucker has to come TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME AND PAY MORE THAN ITS WORTH. I just don't get it. Why bid on an item you could just buy for the same price right away. I would get it if like the price was much lower but in like 30 seconds this dude just ran from $95 to $130. It just seems pointless, unless of course they knew who I was and wanted to mess with me. In which case I get it.